Threshold

In a few short hours I will embark on a yearlong journey out to South Dakota to live among the Lakota on the Rosebud Reservation.  I have known the moment was coming for nearly 4 months now, but the last few weeks have been especially ripe with excitement, anticipation, and restlessness.

I feel that I have said goodbyes in a good way.  Some more difficult than others, but all pointing toward something, hinting at some reality that I was not yet aware of.  There was some realization looming just beyond my ability to comprehend, just out of my reach.

Today, as I rode home from a farewell lunch with an old friend, it hit me.  I am ready to go.  I have been for quite a while, I think.

But.  The I also had the distinct feeling that my life was changing.  That I was leaving a history, a way of life I had grown comfortable with, behind.  I felt that I was stepping into the threshold of my own future, of my own life, taking a step that was decisive, not just for this year, but also for the direction I hope to be heading in my near future.

There was an understanding that as I step onto the plane this morning, it is not just to head toward South Dakota - it is to head toward the unknown and unwritten future that patiently awaits me.  This step is the first real act I am taking in writing that future - my future.  Hopefully one full of growth, of travels, new experiences and people, untold treasures.

It is somewhat awful (in the sense that it fills with awe) to stand before that, to sit with that.  It brought me to silence in mind, body, and soul.  I had to sit still and just take a minute to let this realization sink in.

Watching your own life unfold before is something that seems almost magical.