Grace

Grace.  


Growing up Catholic, this is certainly a word I heard a fair amount.  Whether it was being thrown around in various religious-ed classes, preached about during one lofty homily or another, or peppering the covers of various devotional pamphlet's, it was a word that I learned to associate with religion, with God.

It is also a word whose essence I feel that I have never quite fully grasped.  It remains a hazy idea, a vague sentiment, leaving me unsure whether I had ever had an experience of grace (though I am sure that I have, I was definitely more than a little ignorant of it at the time).

As of today, however, I feel that I have a much clearer idea of what grace is.

I am not a huge fan of fundraising.  As a matter of fact, it is something quite disliked in my household.  Asking for money can be a really embarrassing thing, and asking for money for one's self to participate in what has increasingly seemed to be a fairly selfish endeavor, compounds those feelings tenfold. 

Despite reading up on plenty of  literature supporting the practice of fundraising, lauding it's potential as creating larger community and involvement among donors, I was still plenty skeptical.  But, nevertheless, I knew I had to do it, and after a week of hoping my completed page would magically generate the funds, I finally posted out my need to the larger Facebook community.  Basically, my status was a clear declaration of need, a genuine request for help.

To say that I was/am/will be amazed by people's generosity is an understatement.  People who I have not had a close relationship with weighed in with messages of love and support.  Recent college graduates, some of whom I had not spoken to in quite some time dipped into their funds to provide precious support.  Family, friends of family, friends of friends, all voicing well-wishes and admiring support for this upcoming year.  

The dollar amount is not important whatsoever.  It is more important to me than anyone would even take the time to stop and read my page, take interest in my desires, help me follow my own passion.  People searching for their own passions, on their own journey's, taking the opportunity to affirm me in mine.

It is humbling.  Deeply humbling.  I can be skeptical if not outright cynical sometimes about the state of our world, about the intentions and selfishness of people, about the greed and corruption of our society.  I am almost at a lost for words here in trying to sum up what such outpourings of generosity mean to me.

Maybe even more important than financial support has been the well wishes.  The encouragement.  The admiration.  At a time where I have seriously begun to doubt whether or not this is the right decision; whether or not this is just the selfish endeavors of another privileged college grad; whether I am going to be able to survive this next year; the encouragement of so many people has been like tomato soup and grilled-cheese on a cold winter day - much needed.

It has been grace.  Maybe fundraising is the Universes way of letting you know you should keep on.  All the support and love is the worlds way of saying it will be worth it.

Thank you again to all of the people who are helping make this possible for me, financially, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually :)  I only hope I can repay the kindness you have all shown me.


http://jesuitvolunteers.myetap.org/fundraiser/smts13/individual.do?participationRef=37.0.868475673